The past couple of weeks, I’ve felt pretty good about my progress writing. I have several blog drafts I worked on and other projects offline I’ve been working on. I really started feeling like I could do this, you know get ahead and just basically get somewhere. There are so many things I want to do. Things I’ve been trying to do. Goals I’d like to accomplish. Stories I’d like to write. Just in general moving forward. I thought I’d gotten past the excuses and bullshit that I let get in my way.
Then today I sat down, very motivated to finish writing and editing some of the drafts. Before starting I ended up going onto Youtube, big mistake. I wasted an hour watching a video. Okay that’s fine I can recover, it’s early I still have all day. So I finish up the video, move over to WordPress and try to work on something. I ended up trashing the whole draft. The topic, the approach, everything seemed right. It seemed like exactly the kind of thing I should be writing and posting about. Nothing I typed seemed right though. I thought maybe I’ll switch over to something else. Just looked at them and felt absolutely no inclination to work on them. Again a great idea until I actually start to execute. I feel stuck. Now I just don’t want to do anything.
Thought maybe writing this might make me feel better. It hasn’t. But hey I’m posting something. (That is if I actually go through with posting this.)
Today makes it’s exactly five months since my move. I like it so far but it’s a big adjustment. I’m still not even used to the idea of not living in New York City. I’m glad to be out but do miss it, mainly because there isn’t much to do up here. The week of Thanksgiving I visited for a couple of days, hadn’t been gone long and it felt like I’d never left. With the chaos of the move followed by the holidays I’m finding real hard get back on track. Most of my time’s been spent getting to know the area, looking for a job and just getting settled in.
I let myself take it easy, trying to get my office together and working out new plans for my blogs, newsletter and Etsy shop. I’ve been slowly forcing myself to get back to writing, but my lack of concentration has made it very difficult. I did manage to write and publish a few new blog posts, in addition to the last two months newsletters. I’ve been stuck editing (actually rewriting) my novel for a couple of months now, barely making it to chapter five. Between the frustration and lack of structure to my days, I feel like I wasted a lot of time watching TV, playing games online and basically sulking around trying to figure out what to do with myself.
I’ve been working on different strategies and practices to boost my motivation and creativity. I have small library of books on writing with prompts and exercises I’ve tried working with. Also started reading The Artist’s Way again, before the move I got about half way through. I wasn’t really putting much effort into the exercises and tasks. I really like the advice and approach of letting yourself explore your creativity without judgement. That’s not something that comes easy to me and often beat myself up or give up when I can’t meet my standards. It’s been helpful as I start experimenting with other creative art forms.
I just hope that soon things will start falling into place. It’s no surprise that the move would cause so much disruption. I just didn’t think I’d be working at a snails pace to get back on track. At this point all I can do is keep pushing myself.