So this popped up on my newsfeed last week, An Open Letter To The Girl Who Let The Nice Guy Go. After reading it I was kind of annoyed. I think the idea that women don’t like nice guys is a bullshit stereotype. With all stereotypes there’s some truth in it, but really it just encourages guys to treat women badly. But there was something else that nagged at me, I just couldn’t figure it out. Have you read it? Go ahead, take a quick look. Actually before you keep reading I really want you to read it. No really go read it now.
Okay so now you must have read it. I wonder if you assumed it was written by a guy like myself and others commenting. Even though the opening and closing of the letter clearly indicate it’s a woman writing to herself, I almost completely ignored that because it just didn’t ring true as a woman’s perspective. I can only assume that many of the other readers thought so as well, some even said it was misogynistic. I wont get into that debate because it’s not the battle I want to fight, but I can understand that judgement. In particular some parts if coming from a man would be condemned by most women, even if they believe it themselves. For example, “Every girl says she likes the assh*le because he’s the challenge — the one she must break, train and force to be more than just a douchebag.”
And that sentence pretty much made me come to realization of what the overall problem with this piece of writing was. While this was supposed to be about this girls experience, the lesson she learned and how that could be a lesson to girls that dismiss nice guys, there was nothing personal in the writing to connect with. I can’t say that she wasn’t honest about her feelings or about her experience but the way it is written does not make it seem like an honest or personal piece. All the ideas are very general and leave way to up to the reader to define.
Comments on the blog and on Facebook, where I saw it, people debated about if all girls want the bad boy type, the definition of the nice guys, whether the rejection was about love or sex, or if the stereotypes applied in all situations. Because they didn’t have the context of the relationship that she was writing about they easily drew their own conclusions about the situation or focused on the general statements made. After reading it over again, I thought well what does she mean by nice guy, how did he give her everything she needed, how was she hurt before, and how did she push him away? I was left with so many unanswered questions that the only thing I felt needed to be said was it was poorly written or purposely general to create controversy. Nobody cared about the nice guy, or about her. And nobody was ever going to get the supposed lesson unless they already felt the same way. So just for fun I’ve penned a little letter myself, something I think is a whole lot more personal, though maybe not expressing the same sentiment.
Dear Nice Guy,
I knew you were a nice guy the first time we met. I had you down on your knees tying my shoelaces, you walked me to train station and almost immediately called me when you got home. We met on my birthday and you said you were my gift. You fell for me hard and even predicted I would break your heart. I realized now I did love you, but I don’t think I was in love. I let you be my first because I’d rather it be with a nice guy and I thought I owed it to you. You were sweet, careful and loving, I felt safe in your arms. I met your family and they told me about how much you loved me. You wanted to meet my father and it never happened. I was young, curious and a bit of a wild child. I like to test my limits, push peoples buttons, and stir up trouble. When I was a raging bitch, angry for no reason you didn’t get angry back. When I was being too demanding you just tried harder. When I pulled away you came running after me. I could do no wrong even when I did. I kissed that guy and told you because I knew you deserved the truth. You let it pass way too easily. When I told you I wanted to break up, you said lets just take a break. I knew it was the end but humored you hoping you’d realize it too. Yet it still came as a shock when I thought it was time to move on.
I didn’t think I deserved you, and I didn’t. If we continued I would have learned not to care and the damage would have been much worse. Sometimes I think it would have been better if I made you hate me. But I didn’t lie, I loved you and needed you more as a friend but that wasn’t enough for you. I tried to do you a favor and save you a lot of grief. You hung around maybe hoping I’d change my mind. Even though we were only together three months your pain made it seem like a lifetime. But you gave me that hope for what I might come to appreciate one day. If commitment didn’t scare the shit out of me, I could have married you. If it hadn’t been so intense, so quick it could have lasted longer. Maybe it was just bad timing or maybe you were only meant to get me through a short time. Moral of the story is although more guys should be like you, they shouldn’t chase after girls like me. I know I did the right thing for us both. I don’t regret letting you go and I hope the girl that got you in the end realizes how lucky she is.
The Wild Child with No Regrets
Now maybe the author is more worried about getting page views and comments than producing a compelling piece of writing that makes people look at something from a different view point. In that case I guess they’ve succeeded. Besides what do I know they’ve got pages of commentary and even I viewed the page several times. Meanwhile, I’ve got like thirty followers and have maxed out at two whole comments on a post. If only people with an audience that large cared more about their writing, the internet wouldn’t be so full of crap and stupid arguments that just waste more time in the day.