The Road So Far: Wasted Years

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When I was younger I¬†didn’t really plan¬†ahead¬†long term. I did well in school each year to move up to the next grade and¬†eventually¬†go to college, get a degree and¬†a good¬†job. What college that should be and what job it might lead me to wasn’t something I thought too hard about. I imagined and day dreamed about different careers but it seemed so far off that I’d have plenty of time to plan for the future. I was also over confident that everything would just fall into place as they had in the past. I didn’t really put much effort into applying for college. I waited until the last minute to take the SAT’s, didn’t research many schools and didn’t visit any.

I stumbled upon DePaul University as part of a scholarship program I applied for.¬†I wanted to go because of their¬†communications and journalism program. I didn’t get the scholarship and ended up at SUNY Brockport. I was also accepted¬†to Nazareth College but financial aid only covered half the tuition and boarding. I didn’t see anyway I could afford it and didn’t think it really mattered where I went anyway. I went mostly because I felt obligated.¬†I didn’t think I’d learn anything useful, it was just a hurdle to getting a better job later on. My main motivation¬†was to get away from home. I¬†was very¬†independent, wanted to get away and experience different places. I didn’t even look at any schools in New York City. I’m not sure if I would have gone to school right away if I stayed home. I was tired of learning in the classroom and more excited about hands on experience.

I admit part of me was¬†trying to run away from a life that I was unhappy with. I thought maybe leaving home would change how I felt. It didn’t work, my¬†heart¬†wasn’t into school and it possibly made things worse.¬†I ended my first year on academic probation because of my low grade point average. Having little else to do in the small college town I let myself get wrapped up in partying and enjoying the freedom of being away from home.¬†I focused on enjoying the present instead planning for the future.¬†When I returned to school in the fall things didn’t get much better.¬†By October I realized I was wasting my time upstate and it would be my last semester there. I came home depressed and discouraged.¬†¬†I owed the school my full tuition for the last semester because I never finished the financial aid paperwork¬†and had bills I neglected to pay. Before I could think about planning for the future I had to get a job, any job in order pay my debt.¬†I planned on going back to school after I payed off the debt and had a better idea of what I wanted to do. I still occasionally wrote but didn’t invest any real time, money or energy into writing.¬†Instead I pushed it aside for later when the time was right.

So I’ve made a lot of mistakes, we all do, right? I would have made just as many no matter what I decided. So I would probably do it all the same if I had a chance to do it over. I may not have learned anything in classes but¬†the experiences were well worth the time upstate.¬†My writing career may have been stalled¬†because of the lack of planning. Then again I’m not sure if I would have a writing career if things played out differently. I needed to make those mistakes and take some¬†detours¬†to realized what it is that I actually want.¬†The only thing I regret is not making writing a priority in my life.¬†I let it become something to do when I had the time, instead I should have been making the time.¬†I got caught up living life and trivial little things seemed very important. I wasted many years because I forgot what was really important to me.

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One thought on “The Road So Far: Wasted Years

  1. Thank you so much for following The Write Edge. I hope you find it becomes a valuable part of your day, and I wish you well on your writing journey as well as in life. Have a great day!

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